I am using no names or places in this account to prevent any embarrassment to those involved in my life.
I came into this world in 1966 in a small town fairly near London, to a Church of England vicar and his wife. I was their first child in their first church parish. I have dim memories of this first house, as I was being bathed as a baby. My parents used to drive me around in their little blue Austin to keep me warm, as petrol was cheaper than gas or wood to keep the house warm. We moved in time to welcome my sisters into the new house in another small town in the Midlands. My sisters were three and four years younger than me. My mother suffered with severe depression. I took on the role of child carer to my sisters.
From a very young age I questioned why I was here and had a deep faith in a loving being, call that God or what you like but I didn’t feel like I was on my own, which considering my circumstances was just as well. At 8 or 9 years old I became a Sunday school teacher after being confirmed into the Christian faith early. I ran a prayer meeting for my friends and basically was right into evangelism (must have been pretty annoying really, lol) My parents were charismatic Christians, that is they sang choruses, played guitars, did laying on of hands healing services, and even exorcisms if it was required (not popular in the church of England you are considered a bit way out if you conduct exorcisms although it is sanctioned by the church).
Our Vicarage was always filled with people seeking my fathers help, all of us became very adept at helping those in need. We ourselves were as poor as proverbial church mice, raised on free school dinners and hand me down jumble clothes, however we held a privileged place in society being a well respected Vicars children.
My fourth sister came along when I was 13 years old and I having had enough of assisting my other two sisters, refused to have anything to do with her care. My main responsibility was for the two nanny goats we kept in the garage. I would have to milk them before going to school and often at night also. We lived in a major city and they were pegged out in the churchyard to keep the weeds down. I used to take the kids out for walks on a lead although humans took a while to catch on that they were actually goats, dogs did not and I had to be really careful not to take them near any dogs. However I used to take them out because I loved strangers coming up to me and talking about them, I was quite an extroverted child and loved meeting new people.
My parents were paying off a cottage in the country as they didn’t own the vicarage so I often worked on farms on the weekends. I have fond memories of showing prize Hereford bulls at the shows. That was quite a show stopper having a tiny little girl leading round these huge bulls. Mind you there were some scary moments when one bull turned a bit mad and nearly impaled the stockman I worked with. I am glad that I had an opportunity to know the countryside and work outside as I really think I needed the grounding and the connection with mother earth.
By the age of 13 I was seriously searching for enlightenment, I kept that search within Christianity until I was 15 years old when I refused to go to church any more. Instead I looked around at all the other churches and faiths and went to a lot of different services, the most fun was a gospel choir church that was fun but I didn’t really feel I fitted in there which was a shame. I read voraciously and wanted to find a way out of suffering this life. Like most teenagers I though a lot about suicide but my belief in the afterlife was so strong I knew I would just get sent straight back again at worse and at best it would not solve the problem that I was running away from by ending my life. I knew I was here to find a better way than death to end suffering. I used to lie in bed at night studying my sensations, I kind of knew I had done this before in another life as monk or nun and that I had found relief through the study of these sensations. When I finally found Vipassana through my first husband this made sense.
As a teenager I was seriously searching and seriously rebelling against all traditional views my parents and society. At 17 I found magic mushrooms, however the main reason for taking them was not sensual pleasure or escape but of curiosity and experimentation. I had read much about experiments with Lsd in the 6o's by Leary and Huxley. One time I had a very religious trip. The green hill of Calvary popped up (the hill Christ was crucified on) then Christ arose on the cross and choirs of angels were singing to me. I was out on a limb 8 hours longer than any one else, and was seriously worried I would get stuck there and be committed. Instead of this being beatific it was horrific because I knew this was a bad way to come to this experience, when you experience things of a higher vibration when you are not clear or ready or have done the required work it actually hurts your aura. However my mind has always been strong and I continued to experiment in this way until I reached the point where I realised there is no quick fix, no shortcut to God and that the pendulum swings too violently with drugs and to experience bliss you must have a very balanced healthy mind and body.
I worked a Saturday job from 17 until I finished A levels at 18 to earn enough money to work abroad on a kibbutz in Israel. I figured this was a way I could travel and support myself as I travelled as I earned very little money. I wanted out of home, out of the country, out out out when I got out of school. No where was too far away and I am sure my parents were petrified for me but at the time the travelling was a much healthier choice than the slums and drug taking.
I set off on my own on a "magic bus" trip across Europe to Athens. Mind you there was nothing magic about this bus, it only made three stops a day for the toilet, the toilet on the bus being broken, it took on a man with a knife in Milan who got chucked out and frequently left the road as the drivers were out of their minds on uppers to keep them going. Anyway I finally made it to Athens, my city of disasters, I hooked up with a lovely guy from New Zealand and another English girl and we all took a room together. However the English girl was leaving the next day and by mistake she took my wallet with all my travellers’ cheques in it, and she found out to late to return it, by that time I had to get replacements for all the cheques. The New Zealand guy was amazing he helped me for three days before I left on the boat trip for three days to Haifa. I was deck class but had a ball as I was invited into the first class area to use their pool. We stopped at all the Greek islands and I really enjoyed the trip apart from the hangovers on the boat but hey we all have to learn limits.
I arrived in Haifa, it was a bit of a culture shock, soldiers everywhere, I made my way to Kefar Blum which is in the North of Israel. It was an incredibly pretty area although the bomb shelters were always there reminding you of the harsh reality of life in the area. It was a large kibbutz with about forty international volunteers. I worked in the orchard kitchen cooking on my own, which suited me, for about thirty or so orchard workers. One day we had an earthquake and all the cups and plates jumped off the shelves, that was a bit frightening as I had no idea what was going on.
I was billeted with a born again Christian lady which I found a bit heavy going especially still being into my rebellious phase, drinking too much ect. However she probably saved me from a worse fate as it was a very licentious environment and there were many parties ran down by the Jordan River that even I would not go to as they were too wild. The worst night was when I drank far too much and collapsed in the toilet, a Dutch guy had to crawl in a window to let me out then I proceeded to walk into a cactus and a fan and cut my toe to pieces. Beware the spirits that come in bottles, don’t worry about the ones flying around, lol. These excesses however, did teach me my limits very quickly and I know I had good angels watching out for me and nothing particularly bad happened as a result of these games.
I made a friend of an English lad who's girlfriend actually slit her wrists while she was there (I was the one who found her, she was ok, but sent immediately back to England), and after his girlfriend was sent back he asked me to travel with him around Israel and Egypt. We hitchhiked around Israel with no money and I mean no money. We were starving by the time we got to Lake Galilee, but luckily we knew a volunteer who had gone to the water park there, she risked her job to bring us pita breads and tomato sauce which lasted us for three days travel. Another time we were given a lift by a man who just lost his wife, into Jerusalem thirty miles out of his way, and just because we listened to him he sent us off with money for a really good feed and a bit of travel. The best one was one of the beaches in Egypt, a man from Alexandria was having a party. He wanted to video him and his mates having a wonderful time with all the Europeans there. He invited all the Europeans to a beach disco. He had a generator, food and drink galore. Oh what a feast, we had not eaten for three days and we were nearly sick when we ate that much in one go. That was some party. I visited the holocaust museum that was certainly not very enjoyable I almost threw up there too, one of the exhibits was a lampshade made of human skin.
I basically visited the whole of the holy land as a beggar, an authentic way to see Christ’s homeland I feel.
I then made my way back to England after three and a half months travel. I moved in with my first real boyfriend, a young Indian man, whose family taught me to make the most wonderful hot curries and chapattis. I lived in the poorest area of England’s second biggest city. I was there in the Handsworth riots and found myself face to face with riot police, luckily angels guided me along back streets out of harms way but it was a really frightening display of mob behaviour. This life on social security living day to day often without food or electricity (electricity was metered and we often ran out of money for it), living it up on dole day partying wildly and dying of boredom the rest of the time was not my idea of fun, it took me about two years to totally rid myself of this nasty addiction to victim hood and squalor.
During this time I took a very cheap flight to Morocco for a month, this was another test of faith in God. I had very little money, I teamed up with another very poor lady from England. We travelled to the South of Morocco and were taken care of by Moroccans on the beach, they prevented a rape as two women alone are easy targets and took care of us with food and shelter. This fact that I was a beggar in their country let me experience first hand the generosity of such a poor country, despite having very little what they do have they share even with one who is not a Muslim and by their standards does not have a very high standing at all. I walked around their country with bare feet because for three years I refused to wear shoes, and they called me an English Burba, mind you the cactus prickles finally made me get a pair of sandals for the remainder of the trip.
My friend was nearly taken away by police on the way back as she had had her passport stolen and rather than get the child who stole it into trouble she took the risk and travelled without papers, illegal in Morocco. However the man who sat next to her on the bus bribed the police to let her stay on and a miracle he did for without that she would have been flung in jail with little way out, however she had to put up with a little amorous attention all the way to Casablanca. In Casablanca I stepped out of the bus over a dying man who actually breathed his last while I was there. I started to realise how lucky I was to have been born in England and have the freedom to travel although I was bottom of the pile in England.
I then returned to England at Christmas time and was hit with extreme culture shock, coming from a poor Muslim country to full on commercialism in London and the cold climate knocked me for six and I spent that Christmas with severe flue. I was given a council flat three months before I left England for good. It was the most depressing hole on earth, well down there with them anyway. I painted a picture of Buddha and had it visible in my window. The local kids smashed my windows because of it and trashed my flat with mud. I knew I had to get out of there fast.
I took a job picking fruit in Sussex, camping on the job. Here I met my first husband to be. He was over in England on a working holiday from Australia. He was 11 years my senior and had just come from a three month trip around India and a severe bout of dysentery. He and his stories fascinated me. I sat for long evenings with him after apple picking and listened to him playing didgeridoo and talk of his meditation technique, Vipassana. (See links forum on the message board for more information concerning Vipassana meditation).
We decided to hook up and travel to Europe to find fruit picking work. We spent a very unsuccessful two weeks traipsing around France trying in all the wrong places to find grape picking work. Eventually we gave up and took a bus to Greece. On the bus we met a man who often worked in the greenhouses in Crete. This is where we headed, to the little village of Mirtos. I learned how to read and speak Greek from a little book as nobody there spoke English. I basically supported my husband to be while we were there as it was very hard for males there to get work. The main reason for this being that the Greek men in the greenhouses wanted to chase around young European women many of whom apparently would find the bed easier than the greenhouse work. I spent a lot of time literally running from tomato plant to tomato plant. This was not a very pleasant experience and put me off learning the Greek language to any greater depth. The women we met were lovely but unless you were widowed or under eight years old, in that society you were not allowed to socialise. I came to realise that I had it really good being born into a western society and that women in other countries had little or no choice in how they lived their lives.
I decided to ask my parents to lend me the money to go to Australia with my husband to be. He had to return to Australia a month earlier as his ticket was about to run out and I still had to wait for my Visa. I ended up doing the two things a close friend in Mirtos told me not to do, I ended up going to the wrong bank for my money and I ended up being raped. Now the rape one, no one asks to be raped, however even after being warned, I put myself in a compromising position and after being locked in a soundproof building it was safer to be passive than fight. Afterwards I couldn't report it, as if I had the police would have deported me and done nothing to the man. I once again had no money, I had to borrow money off someone even to leave Mirtos and pay the rent owing, and so I was desperate for the money from my parents to arrive. I kept checking the bank I thought it was to go to it of course never arrived at this bank. I went without food for two weeks, the hotel where I was staying was actually a brothel and the manager was taking me downstairs to meet the girls. In other words I was totally at the lowest I have ever been. I used to sit below the Acropolis every day and pray for four hours. Eventually I decided to take myself an English speaking Greek boyfriend just to feed me as I had started hallucinating from lack of food. I walked past a particularly ostentatious looking bank with him and said what an ugly bank. Then I looked again and realised that was the bank my money was in. I still had to wait two days for it to open as it was the weekend, however I have never felt so happy.
I of course bought the first ticket out of Greece. Unfortunately it was the time of the Bicentennial celebrations and when I reached Singapore, I was told that there were no connecting flights for three months. I was once again praying hard and found a place to stay where I paid a dollar to sleep on a Singaporeans floor. Luckily after three days of haunting the airport I found a seat on a British airways plane.
When I arrived in Australia I felt I had come home for the first time in my life. I took the overnight train to Mildura and my first real view of Australia was the sun rising over the mallee trees. Quite amazing! Here I was to meet my husband to be and pick grapes to pay back my flight to Australia. I was married after six months and our honeymoon was pruning grapes in Mildura. I had by this time done a vipassana course and this was the force that drove me and my husband for five years. The work we did was hard and dirty but our meditation revived us and we helped each other become stronger in our meditation. I travelled all throughout Australia, every state except Tasmania with my husband in a HJ panel van (the shagging wagon as they were called although in this case it was far more than that it was our home). We trekked through the desert in this panel van including across the harsh Tanami desert, quite an experience in a two wheel drive car I can tell you. We picked and pruned most things and when the work ran out we moved on. This was an amazing time in my life and thank God and my first husband for such an opportunity. However I was also yearning to have children and this was not in his plans. After settling in Wangaratta for about six months we decided to separate. The break-up was very painful as I still loved him very much, however we remain great friends to this day.
I next did a programming course that lasted a year and became involved in a very dead end relationship with a man 18 years my senior. There was a whole rescuer, victim, abuser dynamic going on here that had to be worked through. He was very sick and I funnily enough became attracted to doing nursing at this time. I tried to do a bachelor of nursing degree in Wodonga. I lived in a caravan during the week and travelled back to my partner on the weekends. I worked 88 hours a week on my university work as I didn’t have a life. I won awards and came away with high distinctions, but as one lecturer said when I decided to leave after 18 months was, " you are brilliant at anything you do but the real trouble is you still haven’t decided what you want to do yet" She was so right I knew I wanted to be a healer but not the way the system offers for nurses. Due to all the stress of overwork, bad relationship, unhappy choices, my health reached a critical point. I had very severe respiratory troubles and started getting problems with my heart. It was decision time get out or die. I walked away from not only nursing but also the partner and went back to agricultural work.
At the time I was very into re-enactments and this is where I met my second husband. After a few years along came my most beautiful creations, my children.
My journey towards motherhood was a rocky one. I had an ectopic pregnancy many years back. It was actually very dramatic. I was working in the bush 300 Km from Alice Springs and collapsed just on dusk with incredible pain. I knew I was pregnant and I had started bleeding, never a good sign, friends rushed me to the bush nurse. It was just going dark and there were no landing lights on the airstrip, yet the nurse knew if she sent me by road to hospital I would bleed to death. The Royal flying doctors risked their lives flying in with just the lights of a four wheel drive to pick me up and fly me to Alice Springs Hospital.
I was told that although I would be ok, that I had lost the baby, one fallopian tube, and that the other one was useless due to a disease called Pelvic inflammatory disease. Quite a blow as I had always wanted children. I always knew in the back of my mind that I would have a miracle later on down the track. I had reconstructive surgery on the remaining tube but still failed to get pregnant for years. I remarried and finally fell pregnant at 33 years old. I had my first daughter and two years later I had twins, non identical, quite a miracle by anyones standards. It was however a massive shock to hear that I was pregnant with twins. I was lucky in that I found out very early at five weeks. I was also very lucky in that there were no major medical problems. However just carrying twins is quite a feat. I couldn't walk after about 24 weeks, as I kept threatening to go into labour. I still wanted to shop however and with no home shopping available I would hire an electric wheelchair and direct my husband around the supermarket. I obviously couldnt drive as I was too huge to get behind the wheel. At 34 weeks my waters broke much to my delight as by this time I couldn't sleep eat or breath without difficulty. I ended up having a ceasarian birth, the twin girls were in intensive care nursery for only a week, I think the fact that I breast fed certainly helped here.
This was just the beginning of a hugely difficult period in my life, the girls and I were all constantly very ill, in and out of hospital like yoyos and when the twins were six months old me and my husband separated. It was finally discovered that we had a mould in our rented house that was killing us all, so I then became homeless. Thankfully this situation lasted only for ten days, after which I found another home and my life was changed for ever by the wonderful healing technique that I was given.
When my twin girls were born, shadow was all I could see. I don't remember much clearly at all, except I know at the time there was a feeling of absolute desperation, which has now been healed so that feeling is no longer there. Severe sleep deprivation alone, makes somebody very depressed, but when you add that to the trials of being very sick yourself, your new born children being very sick, an unstable relationship and all family support in another country, you have a receipe for disaster. All I could think at the time was, just get through today, just today. Somehow you manage by taking very little steps, this is definately not the time for long term planning and goal setting, unless it be to get up and help your children be happy for that day.
At this time I had extreme muscle weakness and some days could not walk properly. I had to do the shopping so I used to load my double pusher up with all three children and lean on it myself for support. A number of times I collapsed with an irregular heartbeat and was taken to hospital. The medical community however could just not put their finger on what was going on. I was having investigations at the time for a rare muscle weakness disease called myasthenia gravis, as my mother has it. My neurologist put me in hospital for a number of tests. It was during this period of a few months (this was after I escaped the house full of life threatening mould) that I really started calling on God to help me, in the form of Angels and Christ. As I talked in my head and often out loud to these beings, I was quite clearly given the choice of, compromise and disability, or a total miracle and the happily ever after senario. Now for those that have never been in this situation, you might say, well of course you would choose the miracle. I did, however, have to think about this one for a couple of days. The only way I can explain this reluctance to take complete healing is that you get used to batteling constantly and forget there is anything else in life. You also know that if you do get your total miracle you will have to acknowledge this and change your life accordingly.
Fortunately, or I would not be writting this to you today, I chose the miracle. I returned to my neurologist who was a lovely man. I told him I have been praying and all my symptoms have disapeared. He was very happy and said, yes I see some unusual things in my practice and sometimes shocks or faith can turn myasthenia gravis off, in the same way often a shock can turn it on. People have latent possibilities in their bodies and making decisions in your mind has a huge effect on your body.
From this point on, my health steadily improved. My childrens health still needed a lot of work. Both of the twins had severe asthma and allergies, along with a few other medical conditions. All three of them basically came down with a new virus each weekend (amazing how children always seem to wait until the weekend when there are no doctors available) and we were still making very regular trips to the childrens hospital.
With my newly expanded spiritual awareness I realised there was something wrong in their bedroom. When you stepped in there, a great sense of saddness overwhelmed you and the plants kept dying in there, a sure sign something is amiss. I had not started using the pendulum at this time to ask questions, so I just spent some time alone sitting in there. I was told there was an old man still there who was still very worried about the house and his old earth life. I placed some salt in a little cup in the bathroom and bedroom as salt is cleansing and drawing on the etheric level as well as the physical. You need to change this salt every day. I ended up using it for a week. I asked Arch Angel Michael and the other Angels to come and assist the old man to find his friends in the spirit world and be taken back to the light. I experienced a great sense of lightness as I made this request. The plants actually started to thrive in the bedroom after this. I actually bought two additional small trees in pots, to put in the girls bedroom at night. The idea behind this is that the elemental beings attached to the plants, help clear a sick persons aura. You need to give the plants a breath of fresh air during the day to help heal them.
It was a few weeks later that the angels started to download the Abundance of Light technique to me. Of course my children were the first ones to benefit from this technique. I am happy to say my doctor rarely sees us and we no longer know people from the hospital on a first name basis. If you are suffering, it will pass, but do call on the power of love, the creator, to help you, just be willing to listen to the suggestions when they come, for suggestions they are, you still have to implement them into your life. God never forces you to do anything it is up to you to choose happiness and joy in your life.
The first way I tried to get this technique out there was by starting a msn group called funnily enough Abundance of light. Through this group and by having my phone number freely available I healed people totally for free every hour God gave me. This meant I healed myself in a very short space of time. During this time I started a healing group at my home and through this met Frank who was looking for healing for his teenage daughter. Frank took tuition with me and we became firm friends and he a fantastic healer. I realised I needed to be in control of my own online home and having done an advanced certificate in computer programming realised I could teach myself how to do it. I really enjoy programming and from this little idea has this happy home online been born. Also Frank and I are also to be married soon. I have manifested that which I have always wanted a wonderful happy family, personal and extended, as all who wish to be are my wonderful online family in spirit.
My close brushes with death actually forced me to give my life to God rather than die. In September 2003 this technique was channelled to me and I realised what a gift I had been given immediately. Here was a tool to be used to speed up the enlightenment process by lifetimes. My every effort since then has been to share the healing and love with all beings so that we may all benefit from this marvellous gift from God.
If you have any comments concerning The Abundance of Light healing technique or the programming of this home page email Alyssa at alyssa@alyssamaryrose.com